Deadpool #900

I'm supposed to be researching and writing an essay right now, but instead I'm going to talk about Deadpool #900.

Have there been 900 issues of Deadpool? No. But if you know Deadpool, you know that doesn't matter. And if you only know Deadpool from the Wolverine film, then I'm very, very sorry. That's like only knowing Tom Bombadil from the Lord of the Rings movies.

"Wait," you say, "Tom Bombadil wasn't in the LotR movies." Yeah, and Deadpool wasn't really in Wolverine either. They did have a character in it named "Deadpool," but other than that...no. And props to me for spelling "Bombadil" correctly on the first try. At least, it's correct according to Wikipedia.

So who is Deadpool? He's a mutant with a healing factor much like Wolverine. He's also a mercenary for hire that does not shut up. Deadpool is comic book absurdity at its finest. He's one of the rare characters that is actually aware of his existence as a comic book character. Because of this, he frequently gets into discussions/arguments with the writer/editor of the given story he's in.

So what's so fancy about this issue 900 thing? Well, it's a collection of short stories staring the proclaimed "Merc with a Mouth." And really, in short, frenetic bursts is where this guy shines. So this is what the book contains:

Close Encounters of the @*#$ed-up Kind: Deadpool gets abducted by aliens. There is an anal probe involved. That about sums it up.

Silent But Deadly: This one is a bit of an homage to the infamous all-silent Snake Eyes issue of the old GI Joe comics. An explosion ruptures Deadpool's ear drums, so he battles a trio of villainous mimes in silence. It's actually pretty neat.

Deadpool Shrunken Master: Deadpool sees a shrink. Again, what more do you need to know?

Pinky Swear: This one was probably my favorite story out of the lot. Deadpool is in the middle of saving the world or something (it's never specified, but who cares?) when he remembers the time has come to collect on a childhood bet he made while in elementary school. So he visits his childhood friend, inadvertently bringing the war he's currently fighting with him. The bet turns out to be childish, immature, and highly inappropriate. Just like Deadpool.

What Happens in Vegas: Deadpool is found dead in a seedy Las Vegas motel and it's up to the cast of CSI to solve the murder mystery. Seriously. Oh, and there's a live chicken at the crime scene.

Great Balls of Thunder on the Deep Blue Sea: Deadpool takes a vacation on board a cruise ship. It doesn't go well.

One Down: This story is kind of odd, but who doesn't love the imagery of Deadpool standing on a pile of Tyrannosauruses while fighting a pirate dragon. That's right. A Pirate Dragon! Anyway, throughout the story Deadpool is having a discussion with the writer/editor/whatever of the story. See, Deadpool is tired of life and wants to die. But his healing factor prevents this from happening. So he rationalizes that if he can't die in the comics, then his comics must die. That means the popularity and, therefore, sales of his comics must go down until Marvel cancels everything he's in. How best to do this? Eliminate the people responsible for his popularity: the readers. Including the readers of this very comic book. In this very existential work, we see that Deadpool is really a self-regenerating, witty Camus. Who likes to kill people.

Turning Japanese: Unlike the others, this is actually a rather long story, and probably the weakest of the bunch. In fact, I didn't really understand it, especially the first couple pages. But then its all about Deadpool becoming a sumo wrestler and then returning years later to fight a midget clone of himself. Sadly, it's not nearly as humorous as that sounds. I mean, it sure could have been, if the story was truncated to just that plot. But for some reason, a whole story is developed to try to add depth to the character.

This has me worried about the Deadpool movie. While I love the concept (especially with Ryan Reynolds playing the lead), this story gave me pause. Deadpool is the comedic foil. He's at his best when his mouth is spitting out an endless stream of irreverent, fourth-wall breaking wit. And that works great in short spurts. But how well will that hold up in a 90 minute movie? Especially if they do what this last story did and try to add depth to the character.

Wait, isn't depth a good thing? It depends. Remember the whole segment in Wolverine that dealt with his love interest and him becoming a lumberjack? Yeah, that was boring as all crap. I don't want my Wolverine to settle down and enjoy the simple life. I want him to go berserk and claw the living crap out of a hundred bad guys! I want the same for Deadpool. But now I fear they'll try to give him a Mary Jane Watson and have him mope around about whether to be Deadpool or give it up for the girl. So that would suck, but 90 minutes of endless one-liners would probably get old quick.

So what's the right way to make a Deadpool movie? Is there a right way? I don't know. But I do love the idea of a bunch of short Deadpool stories in one comic. Deadpool #900 was grand.

Republic No More

Today is a sad day for me. I just found out that Knights of the Old Republic is coming to an end with issue number 50. Now, that issue won't hit for several months now, but author John Jackson Miller says that he's already turned in the final script for it. This is the end of a great ride that I only recently jumped on.

This past summer I heard some buzz about this kooky Star Wars comic called Legacy that takes place 130+ years after the battle of Yavin (the explosion of the first Death Star in the first Star Wars movie). The protagonist of the series is a Jedi turned bounty hunter with a drug habit. Oh, and he's also a descendant of Luke Skywalker and occasionally sees visions/hallucinations of his famous ancestors. It's a pretty nifty read.

But what, says you o' faithful reader, does that have to do with KotoR? Well, part way through Legacy there was a crossover dubbed "Vector" that included all 4 (at the time) Star Wars titles regularly published by Dark Horse. I really didn't want to have to dig through other, unfamiliar titles just to understand what was happening in the Legacy portion. But I ended up doing it anyway. And to my delight, one of those crossover titles was KotoR.

My first impression of KotoR was how humorous it was. Compared to the dark moral ambiguity of Legacy, Miller's title was rather funny and almost lighthearted. The main characters of Zayne and Gryph were bumbling buffoons. Zayne was not a super cool Jedi. Instead, he was a klutzy padawan that hadn't even graduated to the status of Jedi Knight. He was more in line of what I'd be like as a Jedi.

I loved the Knights of the Old Republic video game. The comic series takes place a couple years before the events in that game and, for the most part, does not include the main game characters. There's cameos, guest appearances, and allusions to those characters and events in the game, but the bulk of the story focuses exclusively on Zayne and his compatriots. This gives the sense that the comic, and also the game, take place in a bigger world where a lot more things are going on than just what is on the page or screen. It adds a depth and history to the Star Wars universe that I greatly appreciate and enjoy.

And now its all ending. At least, in this format. While I'm saddened, I'm also hopeful that Miller will knock the final few issues out of the park. Make me laugh, make me cheer, even make me cry. I take comfort in knowing that the series isn't ending from an abrupt, unplanned, cancellation. Hopefully Miller, who's written every issue of the series, will end it exactly the way he wants to.

Issue #46 comes out this Wednesday and continues until #50 lands sometime in February.

GI Joe Cobra Special

I don't follow the G.I. Joe comics at all. I sort of have one I grabbed at Free Comic Book Day this spring. But I picked up September's Cobra Special #1 based solely on Chris Sims' glowing review of it (You can check his site out here).

I admit I don't understand the story. I don't have the slightest clue who the Paoli brothers are and what bigger role they play in the GI Joe universe. But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy this issue for the masterpiece it is.

It's a story about duality. One brother sees their situation as freedom, while the other sees it as slavery. The artwork tells this as much as the words do. You see, the first half and the second half of this book mirror each other. The style, layout, and sometimes the image itself are exact mirror images of what occurs on the corresponding page in the other half. Even the page numbers mirror each other. They count up to the halfway point in the book and start counting down again.

It's a piece of beauty, is what it is. It's also a perfect example of what can be done with this medium. I don't fully understand the story, but I will reread it over and over just to appreciate the way its told. I definitely have to salute writer Mike Costa and artist Antonio Fuso on this one. Good job, guys.

They Boy Bought the Basketball

Don't you hate blogs that never update except for the occasional post to apologize for not updating?

Yup, this is one of them.

So yeah, my energy has been diverted elsewhere, what with this whole going back to school thing. But yay for temporary ambition! Right? Right guys? Anyone? Hello? Uncle Leo....?



An extra 10 Points! to anyone that can name what the title is referencing!

2 Chronicles 31-36

After the awesome Passover celebration, Hezekiah gets to work tearing down all the idols and altars of other gods. Good work, Hezekiah. But then the Assyrian army approaches! Hezekiah tells his people to stay calm, though, for the Lord is greater than any Assyrian army and will protect them. Assyrian messengers come to the gates of Jerusalem to mock the people for believing Hezekiah. For the Assyrians had conquered many nations and none of their gods protected them. Why would Judah's God be any different? However, sadly, the Chronicler's account of this omits the Curse of the Rabshakeh.*

So Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah pray to God and an angel is sent to wipe out the Assyrian army. The good king Hezekiah then oversees some building projects and eventually dies. His son Manasseh becomes king and is severely evil.

How evil is he? Well, he's so evil that he leads Judah astray and the people do more evil than the indigenous inhabitants of the land that the Lord wiped out when Israel first conquered Canaan. So the Lord allows Manasseh to be taken captive by the Assyrians and taken into exile. However, Manasseh repents** and God rescues him from his plight and returns him to Judah to be king. He does good things in the eyes of the Lord before dying.***

Manasseh dies and his son Amon becomes king. Amon was evil and was killed by conspirators. The people then killed the conspirators and made Josiah king. Josiah did good, tore down foreign idols, and restored the Temple. During the restoration, a lost book of the Law is found, prompting Josiah to follow the edicts of this lost book and hold a swanky Passover festival. Now, this is far more swanky than Hezekiah's Passover. Only Passovers held before the Monarchy begin can compare.

Then Josiah goes to fight against King Neco of Egypt. But Neco says he's on a mission from God (he must have Jake and Elwood in his posse) and that Josiah should leave him alone.**** But Josiah doesn't listen and tries to fight Neco anyway. Josiah is struck by arrows and dies.

The Chronicler wraps up the last of Judah's kings rather quickly. Joehoaz becomes king but is then deposed by the king of Egypt. His brother Eliakim is made king and renamed Jehoiakim. King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon takes Jehoiakim into exile and Jehoiachin becomes king. He too is taken into exile and Zedekiah becomes king. Zedekiah leads the people into rebellion against Nebuchadnezzar which incites the wrath of the Babylonians. Jerusalem is razed, the Temple is burned and destroyed, and all the surviving people are taken into exile.

2 Chronicles ends with Cyrus the Great of Persia conquering Babylon and decreeing that the Hebrews may return to their homeland. It ends on a much more pleasant and cheery note than 2 Kings. Unlike the Christian Old Testament, some versions of the Hebrew Bible actually end with 2 Chroniclers, thereby concluding with this optimistic note.


*"But the Rabshakeh said to them, 'Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the people sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and drink their own urine?'" - 2 Kings 18:27

**This becomes the basis of the Apocryphal book "The Prayer of Manasseh." Does this mean I'm going to have to read and review the Apocrypha now?

***This story of Manasseh's exile, repentance, and becoming a good king has no parallel in 2 Kings. Indeed, Kings points out many times that it's because of Manasseh's grievous sins that God allows the eventual Babylonian exile. So why is this story in Chronicles? Well, whatever the origin, let's examine the message. Even the most evil of evil Judean kings in exile can repent and God will return him to his home and make things all right. To the post-exilic community that the Chronicler was probably writing for, this would be quite the comforting message. CIE!

****The account in 2 Kings doesn't explain Neco's actions as being ordained by God. But here the Chronicler does, thereby justifying the death of such a good king. Why would God allow the good king Josiah to be killed? Because he was disobeying the will of God and did not listen to such prophetic words.

Twilight: Book 5

Blade versus the Cullens. Now THAT I would like to see.

2 Chronicles 26-30

And we're back with more Chronicles goodness!

With Amaziah dead, his son Uzziah becomes king. He was a rather good and prosperous king, overseeing many building projects. But then Uzziah gets too big for his britches. He enters into the temple and attempts to make an offering by himself. Only the priests are allowed to do such things. They stop the the king and some sort of skin rash instantly appears on Uzziah's head. Uzziah leaves and spends the rest of his days separated from people, due to his "unclean" condition. His son Jotham takes the throne. He continues the building projects of his father and is eventually followed by his son Ahaz.

We all remember Ahaz, right? Evil king Ahaz? No? Well, if that's the case, you're in luck. Cause now we go over his reign again! This is a double delight for all you Ahaz enthusiasts out there. Ahaz starts off by worshiping other deities and following the rituals of these foreign gods. In response, God allows the Arameans to be victorious when they attack Judah. The Arameans take a bunch of people back to Damascus with them. The same thing happens when Israel and Edom later attack Judah. This pattern seems to foreshadow the eventual exile of all of Judah to Babylon.

Ahaz offers tribute to the king of Assyria so that he might come to Judah's aid. Instead, Assyria comes to fight and oppress Judah. Following these defeats, Ahaz abandons the Lord completely. He starts worshiping the gods of Aram thinking those gods gave Aram victory of Judah, so perhaps they'd help out Ahaz as well. They don't. Ahaz dies.

Boom. Enter Hezekiah. Remember Hezekiah, one of the greatest kings of Judah? Remember the song about him? Well, Hezekiah does good in the sight of the Lord, and immediately repents of the sins of his father Ahaz. He reverses all the evil policies of Ahaz and fixes up the temple. Then, with great haste, Hezekiah arranges for the people to celebrate the Passover festival, for the people had been rather lax in observing it*

But, since they begin the festival so soon, many don't have time to fulfill the prescribed preparations. They aren't sanctimoniously clean and shouldn't be allowed to participate. Hezekiah realizes this, but doesn't turn such people away. Instead, he prays that "the good Lord pardon all who set their hearts to seek God, the Lord the God of their ancestors, even though not in accordance with the sanctuary's rules of cleanness."** God heard Hezekiah's prayer and is totally cool with the unclean people coming to worship Him (30:18-20). So the people held a big old festival.


*Wait a minute. You're probably thinking, "But Smitch, didn't it say in 2 Kings that Josiah held the first Passover since the time of the judges?" And my heart warms a little as I hear you say such a thing. Ah, the thinking person, actually reading the text critically and stopping to say, "hey, this doesn't jive!"

You are absolutely correct. So how do we address this issue? What possible hypothesis do you hold? Maybe the Chronicler has a man crush on Hezekiah and wants to make him cooler? Or, maybe the author of Kings was the one with the man crush on Josiah and made him hold the Passover? Maybe it's just an innocent error?

Maybe you should just skip ahead to the Chronicler's coverage of Josiah and see what it says about it there!

Gasp! Could it be? Someone implying that we read this in light of the context of the larger book? Oh, you know how to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, don't you? All right then, let's do just that.

Over in 2 Chronicles 35 it talks about Josiah's Passover. While Hezekiah was able to get the people of Judah to observe it, Josiah got all of Judah and Israel to participate. Josiah's Passover was incredible grand in scale and accurate (the lost book of the Law he finds in he Temple may have included more details about the festival which had been forgotten), the likes of which not seen since before the monarchy. So with this info we see that both versions are correct without any real contradiction. Hezekiah held a Passover, yes, but Josiah held a mega-Passover that hadn't been seen centuries. CIE, folks. Context is everything.

**Do you think the teaching of Jesus echoes this verse at all? I think Hezekiah's little prayer pretty much sums up the teaching of Jesus. So you haven't fulfilled every requirement of your religion. So what? It's the attitude of your heart that matters. In the Gospels, it's the Pharisees and religious leaders who fulfill all the requirements of the law. But Jesus isn't impressed at all. For it's the tax collectors, prostitutes, and dregs of society that possess the heart that's willing to seek after God. And this is more important than any sacrament or ritual that may be imposed upon you.