Chapter 11 opens up detailing Solomon's fetish for foreign women, numbering 700. He also had 300 concubines for good measure. These women led him astray and he worshiped their idols instead of the Lord. God is not happy.
Meanwhile, several adversaries to Israel show up, several of them holding old grudges against Solomon's papa David. While only briefly mentioned, some of these could make interesting stories of intrigue. How cool would a revenge movie about Hadad the Edomite be? (Answer: A really flippin' cool movie! Perfect for Ridley Scott ala Gladiator)
So one of these usurpers is Jeroboam, who's told by the prophet Ahijah (I'm surprised that more of these names aren't being underlined by spellcheck) that God will give him control over the 10 northern tribes of Israel. Solomon dies and his son Rehoboam takes the throne. Apparently his daddy, though wise, was pretty harsh on the populace. The citizens beg Rehoboam to be more lenient in his reign. Rehoboam (screw it, I'm calling him "Remy") consults with daddy's advisers, who tell the new king to give the people what they want. But Remy's childhood friends tell him to return a harsh response, so that the people will fear and therefore respect him. Who was Remy's friend, Darth Vader? Remy, like a punk, listens to his friends, and the 10 northern tribes consequently succeed and appoint Jeroboam ("Jerry") as their king.
CIVIL WAR!!
Now we've got at split between the northern kingdom of Israel and the southern kingdom of Judah. Way to go Solomon. Hope those near 1000 women were worth it.
Jerry sets up new places of worship in the north and forges two golden calves for the people to worship (so they won't have to go down to Jerusalem in Judah to get their praise on). God sends a prophet to scold Jerry for this, but then another prophet tricks the first prophet. God then sends a lion to kill the prophet that was tricked. Yes, be wary, for the Lord dispatches lions to attack those who disobey him. Lions!
Throughout all this time, there was armed conflict between the territories of Jerry and Remy. Turns out Remy is just as bad as Jerry when it comes to doing evil. God was displeased. As you can see, the Israelites were in a very bad way post-Solomon.
The next couple chapters deal with the various kings of both kingdoms, alternating halfway coherently between the two. The events recorded seem to deal specifically with religious and theological themes and matters. For more about the historical actions and events taking place during this time, the reader is advised to read the Book of the Annals of the Kings of Israel and the Book of the Annals of the Kings of Judah. These books are presumed lost, which is a real bummer, especially for history geeks like me.
Moving along, we eventually find Ahab as king of Israel. He's the son of King Omri, who had apparently made quite an impression on neighboring countries. According to the commentary in my NRSV New Oxford Annotated Bible, outside sources of the period call Israel "the land of the house of Omri." Of course, in the Bible, Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord and was a very bad dude. His heir Ahab followed suit in his bad dudeness, especially with the assistance of his manipulative wife Jezebel. Here's a tip, folks, don't name your daughter Jezebel. It has not-so-nice connotations.
The team of Ahab and Jezebel further the tradition of worshiping foreign gods, such as Baal and Asherah. Enter Elijah. Boom! Prophet time. Elijah rebuked Ahab, then fled for his life as the king, understandably, tried to hunt the meddlesome prophet down. Many miraculous things happened to Elijah, including the raising of a boy from the dead. But then God called Elijah back to face Ahab once again.
Showdown at Mount Carmel!
Elijah meets the 450 prophets of Baal at the top of Mount Carmel. Each side will call upon their deity to light an altar on fire. The prophets of Baal spend all day frantically running about trying to get a response, but they only receive sarcastic mocking from Elijah (maybe Baal is too busy taking a dump to answer you! Haha! That Elijah, what a hoot). Then the big E-man is up. He douses the altar in water (making it extra hard to ignite) and says a short, small prayer to God. The whole altar is engulfed in flames and the people see once again that the Lord is the one and only true God.Elijah then kills all 450 prophets of Baal. He was busy that day.
Queen Jezebel is quite upset by this. She threatens to kill Elijah. So, the prophet flees, sits down under a tree, and asks to die. Not so fast! God tells him to go anoint some kings and a successor (Elisha) first. By this time, Jehoshaphat is king of Judah. He and Ahab team up to fight off the nation of Aram. Ahab dies in the battle like a sucker. Prostitutes wash themselves in his blood. For real! That's how the story of Ahab ends. Prostitutes. Washing themselves. In the blood of the slain king. I don't remember that story from Sunday School!
And that brings us to the book of Second Kings. What will that book hold for us? I'm guessing more violence and prostitutes.
It seems theological blog posts run in your family. Let me be the first to subscribe.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you. Seeing how you're the first (and so far only) person to follow both blogs, I do believe that makes you my number 1 fan. Congrats. Eat a cookie. You have my permission.
ReplyDeleteI thought we defeated Jerry in both The Great War and the War to End All Wars?* Little did I know Jerry goes back to Biblical times. Do you think they hid in Bureaus in ancient times as well, just waiting for the invading armies to storm into a room unawares, and then boom! out of the bureau they leap with..um...sharp sticks? blazing!
ReplyDeleteYour use of Boom! Made me re-read this pretending John Madden was narrating. Now there's a Bible Reading I think we can all get behind. "See what the guys gonna do here, he's gonna try to get the ark of the covenant pass the goal line, and that'd be like a touchdown...boom!"
*Yes, I know these refer to the same war.