2 Chronicles 31-36

After the awesome Passover celebration, Hezekiah gets to work tearing down all the idols and altars of other gods. Good work, Hezekiah. But then the Assyrian army approaches! Hezekiah tells his people to stay calm, though, for the Lord is greater than any Assyrian army and will protect them. Assyrian messengers come to the gates of Jerusalem to mock the people for believing Hezekiah. For the Assyrians had conquered many nations and none of their gods protected them. Why would Judah's God be any different? However, sadly, the Chronicler's account of this omits the Curse of the Rabshakeh.*

So Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah pray to God and an angel is sent to wipe out the Assyrian army. The good king Hezekiah then oversees some building projects and eventually dies. His son Manasseh becomes king and is severely evil.

How evil is he? Well, he's so evil that he leads Judah astray and the people do more evil than the indigenous inhabitants of the land that the Lord wiped out when Israel first conquered Canaan. So the Lord allows Manasseh to be taken captive by the Assyrians and taken into exile. However, Manasseh repents** and God rescues him from his plight and returns him to Judah to be king. He does good things in the eyes of the Lord before dying.***

Manasseh dies and his son Amon becomes king. Amon was evil and was killed by conspirators. The people then killed the conspirators and made Josiah king. Josiah did good, tore down foreign idols, and restored the Temple. During the restoration, a lost book of the Law is found, prompting Josiah to follow the edicts of this lost book and hold a swanky Passover festival. Now, this is far more swanky than Hezekiah's Passover. Only Passovers held before the Monarchy begin can compare.

Then Josiah goes to fight against King Neco of Egypt. But Neco says he's on a mission from God (he must have Jake and Elwood in his posse) and that Josiah should leave him alone.**** But Josiah doesn't listen and tries to fight Neco anyway. Josiah is struck by arrows and dies.

The Chronicler wraps up the last of Judah's kings rather quickly. Joehoaz becomes king but is then deposed by the king of Egypt. His brother Eliakim is made king and renamed Jehoiakim. King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon takes Jehoiakim into exile and Jehoiachin becomes king. He too is taken into exile and Zedekiah becomes king. Zedekiah leads the people into rebellion against Nebuchadnezzar which incites the wrath of the Babylonians. Jerusalem is razed, the Temple is burned and destroyed, and all the surviving people are taken into exile.

2 Chronicles ends with Cyrus the Great of Persia conquering Babylon and decreeing that the Hebrews may return to their homeland. It ends on a much more pleasant and cheery note than 2 Kings. Unlike the Christian Old Testament, some versions of the Hebrew Bible actually end with 2 Chroniclers, thereby concluding with this optimistic note.


*"But the Rabshakeh said to them, 'Has my master sent me to speak these words to your master and to you, and not to the people sitting on the wall, who are doomed with you to eat their own dung and drink their own urine?'" - 2 Kings 18:27

**This becomes the basis of the Apocryphal book "The Prayer of Manasseh." Does this mean I'm going to have to read and review the Apocrypha now?

***This story of Manasseh's exile, repentance, and becoming a good king has no parallel in 2 Kings. Indeed, Kings points out many times that it's because of Manasseh's grievous sins that God allows the eventual Babylonian exile. So why is this story in Chronicles? Well, whatever the origin, let's examine the message. Even the most evil of evil Judean kings in exile can repent and God will return him to his home and make things all right. To the post-exilic community that the Chronicler was probably writing for, this would be quite the comforting message. CIE!

****The account in 2 Kings doesn't explain Neco's actions as being ordained by God. But here the Chronicler does, thereby justifying the death of such a good king. Why would God allow the good king Josiah to be killed? Because he was disobeying the will of God and did not listen to such prophetic words.

2 Chronicles 26-30

And we're back with more Chronicles goodness!

With Amaziah dead, his son Uzziah becomes king. He was a rather good and prosperous king, overseeing many building projects. But then Uzziah gets too big for his britches. He enters into the temple and attempts to make an offering by himself. Only the priests are allowed to do such things. They stop the the king and some sort of skin rash instantly appears on Uzziah's head. Uzziah leaves and spends the rest of his days separated from people, due to his "unclean" condition. His son Jotham takes the throne. He continues the building projects of his father and is eventually followed by his son Ahaz.

We all remember Ahaz, right? Evil king Ahaz? No? Well, if that's the case, you're in luck. Cause now we go over his reign again! This is a double delight for all you Ahaz enthusiasts out there. Ahaz starts off by worshiping other deities and following the rituals of these foreign gods. In response, God allows the Arameans to be victorious when they attack Judah. The Arameans take a bunch of people back to Damascus with them. The same thing happens when Israel and Edom later attack Judah. This pattern seems to foreshadow the eventual exile of all of Judah to Babylon.

Ahaz offers tribute to the king of Assyria so that he might come to Judah's aid. Instead, Assyria comes to fight and oppress Judah. Following these defeats, Ahaz abandons the Lord completely. He starts worshiping the gods of Aram thinking those gods gave Aram victory of Judah, so perhaps they'd help out Ahaz as well. They don't. Ahaz dies.

Boom. Enter Hezekiah. Remember Hezekiah, one of the greatest kings of Judah? Remember the song about him? Well, Hezekiah does good in the sight of the Lord, and immediately repents of the sins of his father Ahaz. He reverses all the evil policies of Ahaz and fixes up the temple. Then, with great haste, Hezekiah arranges for the people to celebrate the Passover festival, for the people had been rather lax in observing it*

But, since they begin the festival so soon, many don't have time to fulfill the prescribed preparations. They aren't sanctimoniously clean and shouldn't be allowed to participate. Hezekiah realizes this, but doesn't turn such people away. Instead, he prays that "the good Lord pardon all who set their hearts to seek God, the Lord the God of their ancestors, even though not in accordance with the sanctuary's rules of cleanness."** God heard Hezekiah's prayer and is totally cool with the unclean people coming to worship Him (30:18-20). So the people held a big old festival.


*Wait a minute. You're probably thinking, "But Smitch, didn't it say in 2 Kings that Josiah held the first Passover since the time of the judges?" And my heart warms a little as I hear you say such a thing. Ah, the thinking person, actually reading the text critically and stopping to say, "hey, this doesn't jive!"

You are absolutely correct. So how do we address this issue? What possible hypothesis do you hold? Maybe the Chronicler has a man crush on Hezekiah and wants to make him cooler? Or, maybe the author of Kings was the one with the man crush on Josiah and made him hold the Passover? Maybe it's just an innocent error?

Maybe you should just skip ahead to the Chronicler's coverage of Josiah and see what it says about it there!

Gasp! Could it be? Someone implying that we read this in light of the context of the larger book? Oh, you know how to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, don't you? All right then, let's do just that.

Over in 2 Chronicles 35 it talks about Josiah's Passover. While Hezekiah was able to get the people of Judah to observe it, Josiah got all of Judah and Israel to participate. Josiah's Passover was incredible grand in scale and accurate (the lost book of the Law he finds in he Temple may have included more details about the festival which had been forgotten), the likes of which not seen since before the monarchy. So with this info we see that both versions are correct without any real contradiction. Hezekiah held a Passover, yes, but Josiah held a mega-Passover that hadn't been seen centuries. CIE, folks. Context is everything.

**Do you think the teaching of Jesus echoes this verse at all? I think Hezekiah's little prayer pretty much sums up the teaching of Jesus. So you haven't fulfilled every requirement of your religion. So what? It's the attitude of your heart that matters. In the Gospels, it's the Pharisees and religious leaders who fulfill all the requirements of the law. But Jesus isn't impressed at all. For it's the tax collectors, prostitutes, and dregs of society that possess the heart that's willing to seek after God. And this is more important than any sacrament or ritual that may be imposed upon you.

Hezekiah and Josiah in Song

I don't know about you, but I rather like Apologetix, that infamous Christian parody band. Ok, I know some you, in fact, loathe them. I'm looking at you, Matt.

But I came across this fan made music video and it was just so topical! It talks about Kings Hezekiah and Josiah, who we previously discussed in 2 Kings. Plus, it contains clips from both and Star Wars and Jingle All the Way, two of life's greatest cinematic pleasures!

2 Kings 16-20

Behold the might of the ASSYRIAN EMPIRE! Duh duh duh!

Jotham's son, King Ahaz of of Judah was an evil bugger that did not follow the Lord. He worshiped other gods, which included the sacrificing of his son with fire. This was probably an act of worship to the god Molech. Aram and Israel team up against Judah, so Ahaz seeks the help of Assyria. The great Assyrian Empire enters the fray and wipes out Aram. Ahaz goes back to his streak of idolatry by building a new altar in the Temple.

Up north in Israel, Hoshea is king and being bullied by King Shalmaneser of Assyria. Hoshea tries to appease him via tribute, but Shalmaneser invades, conquers, and exiles the rest of the populace to Assyria. Israel is then repopulated with foreigners. But they worship their own gods, so God sends lions to attack them! Not quite BEARS, but it'll do. So the King of Assyria sends an Israelite priest back to teach the folks how to worship the Lord. They don't do this exclusively, though, but just add him to their collective of deities to worship.

Back in Judah, Ahaz dies and his son Hezekiah takes over. Hezekiah is the first truly, all out, godly King since David. He removes all of the idols and idolatrous altars throughout Judah, reestablishing monotheism in the land. Now Assyria invades Judah and is knocking on Hezekiah's door. Sennacherib, the current king of Assyria sends his servants to the gates of Jerusalem to get Hezekiah and Judah to surrender. But Hezekiah is defiant! Way to be, Hezekiah, way to be.

The Assyrian servants loudly taunt and exclaim the horrors that should befall the people if Judah doesn't surrender. Hezekiah's men at the gate beg these Assyrian ambassadors to speak in another language, so any nearby citizens of Jerusalem won't hear the threatening things being said. The Assyrians respond, still in Hebrew, to the citizens listening in that they will be forced to "eat their own dung" and "drink their own urine" (18:27)! Seriously, I don't think literature gets any better than this! And I'd bet that, like today, such an insult would be vocalized in a much more derogatory fashion than as it's recorded here.

Enter Isaiah!

Hezekiah seeks out the prophet Isaiah for help. Isaiah says all will be well and not to worry. The Assyrians threaten again, so Hezekiah goes to the Temple to pray for victory. Isaiah confirms that God has heard Hezekiah's prayer and all will be well. That night an angel comes down and reportedly kills 185,000 Assyrian troops*, which causes the rest of the army to pack up and go home the next day.

Hezekiah later falls ill and prays to be healed. Isaiah confirms that the king will be healed. But Hezekiah wants to know if it will be temporary or long lasting. If it's to be permanent, an advancing shadow should recede. Isaiah says this will happen and, at his word, the shadow goes backwards, implying that the Lord has control over the position of the sun (or can reverse the rotation of the earth. Or maybe it was just a cloud caught in a funky wind. Whatever, the shadow went the other way, deal with it!).

Then some Babylonians come on good terms and check out Hezekiah's digs. Isaiah later reveals that these Babylonians will be the downfall of Judah after Hezekiah is gone. The king responds that this is fine. Why should he care what comes later as long as there is peace during his reign? Hezekiah's a dick.


* The Bible has a track record of it's numbers and tallies not matching up to what we interpret them as today. Some have suggested that words like "thousand" may have held a different numerical value other than 1000. Sennacherib of Assyria usually kept detailed records of his military excursions, though they conspicuously say nothing about the sudden abandonment of the siege of Jerusalem. As for the death of so many men, some suggest the "angel of the Lord" could have come in the form of disease or plague. Or vampires.